Ray your passing has broken through the walls of my heart and changed me. I can’t stop thinking about how it could have been me. I see your mom, nephew, sister, friends weep and I can’t help but visualize myself in the casket and my family and friends around me mourning. Your death has me thinking why me? Why am I here ?

I don’t know why I am and you aren’t ray- it doesn’t seem fair. But it’s got me asking - what can I do with the life I still have? How can I fight this battle ?

I am going to do my steps. I am going to sponsor women. I am going to get so close to Jesus, and with the word. I’m going to learn to love myself for who I am and to take care of myself. I’m going to make amends to the people in my life I’ve hurt and fix relationships. I’m going to clean out that closet and face my wounds. This daily battle of addiction is serious and for those of you that don’t understand it, it comes out of a lot of pain inside.

Ray I feel you with me and begging me to keep on in my recovery and do the daily work. I have to learn to love myself or I’m going to die too. It’s life or death. starting now, in memory of you ray, I refuse to believe the trash that goes through my head. I am going to do everything in my power to fight this disease, Ray so that beautiful souls like you aren’t taken home too soon. Ray you may have lost the battle but we are all going to use your testimony to win the war.